Who Do We Let In?
It’s A Bigger Decision Than You Think!
The doorbell chimes. You aren’t expecting anyone. You open the door and there before you stands a stranger. On second glance, they seem somewhat familiar. Maybe you’ve seen their face before. Upon introduction, their name sparks a memory. Oh yes, you have heard of them. In fact, they are the person your colleague, James, speaks glowingly of.
What are they doing at your door?
And, more importantly, should you let them in?
BEWARE OF STRANGERS
We let strangers in all the time. Usually, this is on the basis of the promise they make to us. A promise to tell us a story. Or to share something new with us. Or to make our life easier. Or to fix our problem. Or to make us smarter.
In fact, there’s a whole host of promises they make and when we like the sound of them, the door opens wide. Come on in, and let me get to know you better.
Doing this can be precarious.
We do feel more comfortable and trusting of our decision when our colleague, James, or someone else vouches for the stranger. Although, with or without a recommendation, we tend to open the door willingly.
WANT IN ON THE SECRET?
The stranger I am talking about isn’t a person. Well, technically, there is a person in the equation somewhere, but the stranger I am referring to is a book.
When you pick up a new book to read, it is like letting a stranger in the front door.
A new book is like starting a new relationship. We promise to give time, energy and thought to reading it. The book, through its author (or sometimes a publisher and good marketing) promises us something in return.
KNOWING WHO IS WORTHY IS A BIG DECISION
The truth is we make our decisions around real strangers in much the same way as a new book. We like the way they look, the clothes they wear and the way they carry themselves. We make a decision about their intelligence, values and value from an initial conversation. We more openly give trust and authority when they come to us via an esteemed friend or colleague.
Rightfully so, we are cautious when letting new people — a stranger — into our life.
“I don’t have time for my existing friends.”
“I’d love to get involved with your charity/course/mastermind/community/sport but I just don’t have time.”
“It’s too much time and energy.”
I’m sure that our lack of caution when it comes to books is that it doesn’t feel as high stakes. Perhaps their ubiquity contributes to that feeling. There certainly are a lot of books in the world. A quick search reveals that in the last 30 days there have been over 50,000 books published on Amazon. Whatever the entire number of books available, it is infinitely more than any one person could read, or want to read, in a lifetime.
Our time and energy, though, is a finite resource. We throw caution to the wind and let any ol’ book come running through that door.
I can make you a better leader.
I can help you become rich.
I can make you laugh, and/or cry.
I can tell you the most amazing story.
I can change your life.
The allure of these promises seem too strong for us to resist.
RECONNECTING WITH OLD FRIENDS
I discovered how I had been suckered into believing all of the promises and opening my door to many strangers in recent times. Everywhere I look I find recommendations for new books and I had found myself allowing too many of them in. Incoming emails from Audible telling me to use my latest credit had me filling my app with at least a new book a month. Daily deals on Amazon, or a new author’s special Kindle edition price, making it all too easy to buy with one click and fill up the library of books to be read. And that is all before I look at the pile of actual, in-real-life, books sitting on my shelf or on the bedside table.
It’s a veritable party of strangers in my house. They just keep on entering although I’m spending time with only a few of them. On reflection, I realise it’s not through a lack of time that I don’t finish these books, it is through a lack of want. These aren’t the people I want to be spending my time with.
Asking myself the question of ‘who do we let in?’ has triggered a longing for old friends, those who I value, trust and enjoy spending time with. When asked to recommend a book that has changed me, I invariably go back to the same handful of authors¹ who have had a powerful impact on me. Some of these authors have, quietly, released books in recent years². They have not been shiny, or loud, or finding a way into my algorithm-driven bubble. I realise how much I miss them.
A MORE INTENTIONAL CHOICE
It seems like the perfect time to reconnect with their wisdom and timeless messages. It seems like the perfect time to be more intentional with my reading.
If, like me, you are an avid reader and book lover, with eclectic interests and an insatiable curiosity, it is easy to fall into this trap of inviting many a stranger in to your life.
I wonder, what if …
What if we change the way we choose a new book to read?
What if we consider the true investment required for a relationship with this stranger, or a continued relationship with an old friend?
What if we balance the allure of the promise made with our real needs?
What if we are more respectful of our finite time?
What if we ask ourselves, who do we let in?
Extra Resources:
Authors whose writing has impacted my life and work: Charles Handy, Margaret Wheatley, Seth Godin, Malcolm Gladwell, Lynda Gratton, Alexander McCall-Smith
Books I’m reconnecting with: Who Do We Choose To Be by Margaret Wheatley and The Second Curve by Charles Handy