Defining what makes a satisfying life
We’re over half way through the year. I can hear the panic rising at this six monthly interval ticking over.
“Where’s the year gone?”
“I had grand plans for this year.”
“The months just fly by.”
We live in a world obsessed with measuring time. And measuring our achievements in the context of time. The notion that we must always be maximising our time is ingrained into our psyche.
We set goals for the year. We break those yearly goals into monthly goals. We have weekly to-do lists and daily must-do lists. We block out time to work on our goals. We set pomodoro timers to beat distractions. We google productivity hacks. We ship. We hustle. We get shit done.
On the flip side, we feel shame when we procrastinate. We feel like slackers when we binge a few Netflix shows despite our long to-do list. We talk about how we waste time when we are doing something seemingly unproductive.
It reminds me of the classic Rocks of Life story Stephen Covey shared in his book, First Things First.
As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”
“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”
“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”
This story reminds us how easy it is for our ‘jars’ to be filled with the smaller, inconsequential things in life. It is used by productivity gurus everywhere to reinforce the view that our focus should be on the bigger rocks and we should be careful at how much sand and water we allow in our jars. Often we are told that the sand and water represents things we should be doing less of.
I wonder how this story looks if we choose to drop our fear of time ticking away. What if we worry less about maximising every minute of every day? What if we apply an alternative meaning to our idea of a full jar?
I believe we can lead a more satisfying life if we find a balance between the big rocks and the sand and water. By all means, we need to put the big rocks in first. We need to know what things in life we value the most. They need to be our guiding light and we need to make them a priority. For me, these big rocks are my family, my health and my work.
With limited time in every day, it often feels difficult to give enough priority to these big rocks. Hence we are encouraged to stop (or avoid) doing the sand and water things in our lives. We outsource or look for shortcuts and hacks to the things that we don’t classify as our big rocks — for example, domestic activities like cooking and cleaning; life admin tasks; decluttering our physical and digital worlds. But what if some of these sand and water type things that we do are a necessary part of the important things?
Maybe the sand and water represents how we use the space created by the bigger rocks? Is it good for us to step away from the constant focus on the important things? To give ourselves space to think, to reflect, to obtain greater clarity and perspective, to reframe a problem, to find creative solutions. If we spend all our time with a relentless focus on the big things we don’t allow ourselves that space and the benefits of it.
What if folding washing gives us the opportunity to step away and get perspective on a problem we are facing? What if spending an hour cooking a meal from scratch, instead of the quick supermarket prepared meal, enables us to slow down and approach dinner time as an opportunity to spend time with our family? What if an afternoon of Netflix binging refreshes our energy for the busy week ahead, even staving off getting ill when we’re run down? Or what if spending a few hours removing the digital clutter from our phone or laptop makes us feel more organised and on top of our work priorities.
What if the right amount of the right kind of water, sand and rocks is just what we need in our life?
Yes, time is ticking. That won’t change.
Are you’re satisfied that you have the right balance of big rocks, gravel, sand and water in your jar in life? Either way, don’t panic. There’s time.