We are conditioned from an early age that life is about being chosen by someone else. The greatest achievements in my life are where I’ve chosen myself. How often do you choose yourself?

It’s not difficult to remember back to your school days and see where it all began. The teacher telling us all to sit upright and quietly and she would pick one of us to be the special helper. Standing in the playground waiting to be chosen by one of the two team captains for a sporting game. Missing out on the part you dreamed of in the school play when someone else was chosen ahead of you.

These moments are the ones that have shaped us into believing that life is about meeting a set of conditions and perhaps being fortunate enough to be chosen. That we should be grateful if we are the one chosen. That we should accept not all of us can be chosen.

This worldview often carries on into our lives beyond childhood and schooling years, into adulthood and the workplace.

I believe it’s time to challenge this worldview and offer a different, more abundant, view of how our lives can be. There are endless possibilities available to each of us. If only we choose ourselves.

We don’t have to look far for well known examples of people who have chosen themselves. Sir Richard Branson, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk are just a few that spring to mind. I’m always on the look out for everyday examples of people who do the same. I came across this story of a 16 year old high school student who decided to move 300km (186m) away from her rural home and family to study her final exams and hopefully realise her dream of studying medicine at university. She felt that her local high school would not provide her with the opportunity to do well enough in her exams and she wasn’t prepared to sit back and wait to see. She chose herself and she has taken action that will give her the best opportunity of achieving her dreams.

It made me reflect on those moments in my own life where choosing myself has had a large impact on my life. One of the biggest was when I made the decision to leave my high paying executive corporate career and start my own business. I, too, had dreams. Dreams that I wasn’t going to achieve within the confines of an organisation and the only way to achieve them was to have faith in myself and take the leap.

I can also go back to pivotal moments when I was an employee where I made decisions and took action to achieve my goals. Things like putting my hand up to be the Chair of a national construction industry committee despite having far less industry (or work) experience than many of the people in the room. Or taking it on myself to draft, lobby for and then implement a ‘corporate university’ model for employee training and development when all the company had asked for was a 12 month training plan. Or when I became pregnant with my first son, providing my boss with my plan and intentions for my return to work, proposing a mix of working from home, office time, site visits, team management considerations and contingency plans. I was motivated to make it work, I could see how it could work and I went on to make it work.

At the time of making these decisions I wasn’t thinking that I was ‘choosing myself’. I was making decisions or taking actions that aligned with my goals. In hindsight I can see that I was not content to sit back and wait to see what happened. To allow someone else to choose whether I achieve my goals or not.

As I reflect on this, I can’t help but think that it is because of those childhood experiences and conditioning to wait to be chosen that have inadvertently driven me to choosing myself. Something inside me triggered by the notion that I could only contribute to this world if someone else said so. I chose to say “NO” to waiting on the sidelines. I choose me.

You may read this and think I am offering up a simple solution for a successful life. My message is not so much one of choose yourself and all will be fine instead that if you have dreams and aspirations, if there are things you want to do, ideas that you have that would make a difference then don’t wait for someone else to give you permission. Choose yourself.

Render yourself free to choose, to be, to live, to see. Maximillian Degenerez

It’s a lesson we can all be reminded of periodically. A reminder to stop and check in if we’re choosing ourselves when making important decisions. When we take a close look at the decisions that may be causing us angst, the ones where we are asking: Should I do this? Can I do this? Why can’t I do this? Why shouldn’t I do this?

I recently found myself falling into the trap of waiting to be chosen. I was discussing a new project with a colleague and lamenting that it would be difficult to market as my recent experience in this area is hidden within organisations. I have no doubt that I have the experience and expertise for this project and yet, here I was worried that no-one would chose me. My colleague suggested I ‘qualify myself’ and it was at that moment I realised I have all the permission I require to move forward. I redid my website and my marketing strategy and I’ve identified (and taken action on) those first steps to qualifying myself to do this project. It may not be successful but I will know that I’ve given myself the opportunity for it to succeed by choosing myself and taking action.

What about you?

How often do you choose yourself?

Is today your day?