Experience life as it happens

I wonder, have you started reading this article with some sort of expectation?

Us humans are fairly wrapped up in expectations. We set expectations for ourselves about how we look, feel and behave. We have expectations for other people — our family, friends, work colleagues. We have expectations about what our day should be like, and especially what our life should be like. It is so ingrained in our way of being that we often don’t realise that we spend all of our time subconsciously measuring how well each of these expectations are met, and reacting accordingly.

In the middle of summer, we expect to have sunshine every day and when we awake to rain we can be disappointed. When our ever-reliable work colleague doesn’t meet our expectation of being on time we subconsciously tick the ‘did not meet expectations’ box. When we take up running with the expectation of losing weight we get frustrated when it doesn’t happen quickly enough. When we don’t get our problem solved by the telco company it confirms our expectation that they don’t believe in customer service, and further perpetuates our expectation for the next encounter. Even when our expectations are exceeded, like the 3 star restaurant that serves us up a 5 star meal, it impacts our future expectations and sets us up for potential disappointment if it turns out to be a one-off occurrence.

Our reaction to things are dictated by our expectation rather than the outcome itself. The outcome is what it is. Our level of satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the outcome varies according to our expectation. For example, when we go to a movie that has been given a 97% review, we will expect it to be great. We may find the movie to be good, not great, and end up disappointed that it didn’t meet our expectations. Without the preceding expectation we would be happy to have seen a good movie.

Our expectations, however, are a story. They are a story we tell ourselves about how the world is, or should be. They are a story based on past experiences and outcomes. They are a story based on our desires and wants. When the everyday fluctuations of life occur and these stories don’t match reality, our emotional reactions fluctuate accordingly.

Untangling expectations from our core values, beliefs and hopes is critical if we want to experience life as it happens. Living without expectations has been an ongoing journey for me. One that I’m more than happy to admit I’ve far from mastered. Yet when I let my hopes and intentions stand alone, free from expectation, I have found myself more content and satisfied in all parts of life.

I try to practice this in the everyday moments of life.

I have let go of my expectation that a cold, wet day is unpleasant and troublesome. Rather than be annoyed by the thought of trekking to client meetings in the rain, I accept the weather as it is. Without the mental ‘chatter’ relating to my expectations, I make room for gratitude. Gratitude that I have clients to meet with. Gratitude for the rain that our drought stricken farmers desperately need.

Dropping the expectation that a networking event would involve enduring the “painful” people in search of the one or two real connections makes room for curiosity and empathy as I look to create a connection with everyone I meet.

The expectation that if I get up early I will get an hour’s quiet time to write would turn to frustration if it was interrupted by either a 2-legged or 4-legged household member. When reframed as an intention to write whenever I can, opened my eyes to the many other opportunities that exist in a day to get my ideas on paper.

The work in progress is expectations for myself and for perfection. Whilst I know that nothing in the world is perfect, it remains difficult not to have this expectation of myself. I practice letting go of these expectations by accepting and delighting in the imperfect beauty in nature, our built environment and in other people. I practice vulnerability in my professional and personal relationships. I more readily accept good enough, appropriate and timely outcomes than procrastinating and hiding behind the need for perfection — the artificial level of expectation that I’ve set for myself.

Living in this conscious state, being aware of when expectations cloud my hopes and intentions, has been like a weight lifting from my shoulders. Without the constant subconscious ‘is this moment measuring up to my expectations’ chatter in my mind, I feel calmer and more content. I have space for even greater curiosity, empathy, connection and love for life and people.

If you have no expectations, and don’t judge things, you can accept them. And acceptance leads to peace, leads to happiness. Leo Babauta

What about you? Do you go through your work and life with a set of expectations about a person, a moment, or a task? Have you found yourself disappointed about unmet expectations, or in a continual ramping up of higher and higher expectations? Do you find yourself mentally exhausted from spending your time continually measuring all parts of your life against a set of predetermined expectations?

With your hopes and intentions as a guide, and an acceptance of the inevitable fluctuations of life, we can be more content and grateful. We can delight in living.

Is it time to let go of your expectations?