I was told a story this week about 2 work colleagues who have been in bitter conflict for some time. The conflict is escalating and it is becoming personal. The longer it goes on, the more obstinate both parties are being and the more damage it is doing to team culture.
Unfortunately, this is not an unusual example. I’ve either witnessed or heard about this sort of conflict many times over while working with people and teams. Every day conflict over every day work issues.
It occurs to me that, sometimes, something happens in our workplaces where people become less human. We forget that we are working alongside fellow humans, just like us. That, just like us, our work colleagues have dreams, hopes and fears. Just like us, they have a desire to connect, to find meaning and to be fulfilled.
Yet, in our workplaces, when things aren’t going well and conflict arises, we forget about the human we are working with, instead seeing them as the source of our frustration or failure.
I struck upon a term this week called socha¹. It is described as the “hidden vulnerability of others”. We are painstakingly aware of our own vulnerability — being privy to the voice in our own head sharing our doubts, fears and insecurities. Yet, we fail to see the vulnerability in others. Particularly those who portray a strong outer persona to the world.
When I think of socha as it applies to conflict situations in the workplace, it is evident that if we remember to look at the people we work with as fellow human beings we may have a more positive solution. How do we remember that they, too, are vulnerable? How do we remain aware that they, too, have a voice in their head with doubts, fears and insecurities?
Creating a workplace culture where we remember our people are people seems so obvious.
In my experience, making connections is the key. Getting to know your colleagues and those you lead beyond the job role they do. Knowing what their life looks like outside of the workplace. Being curious about what is important to them, what drives them and what challenges them. As Aaron Blum writes, “what if we saw the soul of each person we interact with like an uncharted world that has yet to be explored?”²
We all bring our unique worldviews, style and approach to the work we are doing. We won’t always agree on everything. How we deal with it is up to each of us. It’s time for each of us to bring a little socha to our workplaces. So, how can your workplace hu…man up?
Footnotes:
Socha “the kind of basic human vulnerability that we’d all find familiar, but is still somehow surprising when we notice it in others” from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows and is beautifully described in this video. The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is a compendium of invented words written by John Koenig. Each original definition aims to fill a hole in the language — to give a name to emotions we all might experience but don’t yet have a word for.
Exploring New Worlds by Aaron Blum on Medium